Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You left your phone here
Wait...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
