just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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