I wish my penis had an off switch
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It's official drugs can't kill me
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
