It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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