A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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