Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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