If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
