my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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