Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
