I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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