Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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