Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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