This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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