for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
don't judge my taste in strippers
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
