He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
