You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
