I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
