You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
