She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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