I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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