his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
