At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm just crazy horny about you
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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