i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
