SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
