I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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