i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
