i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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