How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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