didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
