We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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