..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
