Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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