where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
