If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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