I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
