I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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