How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I smell stomach acid.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
