You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
