WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
