i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
