Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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