Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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