so let's talk penis.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
