i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
