You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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