WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
