I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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