dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
there's paper in my vomit.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
