There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
