How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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