It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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